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One Man's Discovery of Love and Faith in God

This essay describes a man's journey from the pain of his father's abandonment to finding someone to love, as well as his faith in God.
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This essay received a C by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a C by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Bob's feedback:

"There are some strong moments in this essay where you can feel the emotions that E.M. has expressed. However, there is some significant work that needs to be done to get the paper into top shape.

Throughout this discussion, there is no mention of who E.M. is. Is this a real person or a fictional character? Someone famous, or someone relatively unknown who you chose to write about? Your paper would benefit from some organization into paragraphs, with an introduction that tells who E.M. is and what it is you want to say about him, and a conclusion that wraps up the essay and gives a final takeaway. The supporting paragraphs should each have a specific subject, which will help cut down on repetition as well as the tendency to jump around from topic to topic. Make sure you give appropriate context. When you mention an event in E.M.'s life, be sure that your reader knows why that event is significant (i.e., what was going on in his life at that point?)."

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