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Overcoming Hardships with the Help of My Family

In this admissions essay, a student talks about some hardships she's overcome in her life thus far and her aspirations of becoming a doctor. The student mentions that her family members have been her main support through trying times.
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This essay received a D by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a D by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Angela's feedback:

"It makes sense to share in your essay the fact that you're a hard worker and someone who has overcome adversity. Moreover, it's notable that you understand you've received support from others such as your family members. However, your essay would be more compelling overall if you could think of a specific hardship to describe in detail (along with how you overcame it). Likewise, you could strengthen your work if you chose one family member in particular to talk about instead of mentioning your mother, grandmother, and brother in passing. Finally, an edit is one simple thing you can do immediately to improve your work. Remember to follow basic writing and formatting conventions such as always capitalizing the word "I" and indenting your paragraphs."

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