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Word Count: 563
Dear ImanI read your essay about gangs It is very informative and well written Your claims are interested and not repetitive One of them isnew for me as I always believe that poverty is the main reason for gangs but your essay opens my mind and helps me to see the picture from another perspective You have good information and reliable sources Despite all those good points there are some parts which are hard to understandIn the introduction the beginning is not that powerful or attractive It does not grab my attention I think you need to add or change some parts Your definition of gangs is good and helpful but after the definition I was confusing You repeat some words that can cause boredom for the reader For example after you define gangs and say what they do then you state again they get involved in geographic region You do not need this part as you already mention in the definition Also you use they in some phrase without clarifying who are they For instance you said They mentioned that gangs their activities within They referred to what This part was confusing and you need to reread For your thesis statement it is too long so it is difficult to know your claims easily You explain a lot in the introduction I think that you do not need all this explanation It will be better if you put this explanation or use as topic sentence in the body paragraph only Over that you have some comma splice and fragment that you need to check them For the first body your topic sentence isinteresting I like the way by which you support your claim with reliable source that states real situation However you do not talk about the counter arguments and you need more sources to support your claim as one source is not enough Over that you need to elaborate more and
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