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People Should Not Stay Bystanders in an Emergency

In this argumentative essay, a student explains why people should not simply be bystanders when an emergency occurs. The student shares a personal example of a time she called 911 when her neighbor needed medical attention.
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1,390
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This essay received a C by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a C by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Angela's feedback:

"Your outline reflects that the general structure of your essay is okay, but your content lacks focus. For example, your first and second body paragraphs have overlapping points, so your essay would be stronger if you more firmly separated the ideas expressed between the two paragraphs. Meanwhile, a thorough edit is recommended to bring more clarity to your writing. The sentence that begins “These individuals can extend” in particular would benefit from revision along with the phrase “factors of causes and effects.” Use of singular “they” should be avoided in academic writing. One easy way to fix this problem is to change the antecedent to a plural word (e.g., by changing “bystander” to “bystanders”). Review is needed for your semicolon use and to ensure that a space is inserted before an opening parenthesis."

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