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President Andrew Jackson's Unethical Treatment of the Cherokee People in 1835

In this essay on the Trail of Tears, the student condemns Andrew Jackson's decisions during these periods of ethnic cleansing.
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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Bridget's feedback:

"Your investment and compassion really shines through in this essay. Deciding what balance to strike in terms of language--without sacrificing your position or personal belief--can be tricky. In this, I recommend first checking your prompt or assignment to make sure your are responding to the requirements, including the rhetorical situation they shape. Once you have a precise definition in this regard (or once you have made sure it corresponds to your prompt), examine the essay's diction, including how word choice can set a tone and shape the claims. For example, you write, "...even his mental health can be called into question." Is this appropriate to the project? Is this a viable direction for this topic? Again, the answers to these will be defined by your prompt. I do notice, however, that this point is not picked up in the body of the essay. This is confusing to your reader, who is relying on the introductory paragraph to signpost the rest of the essay. If this point is brought up in the last sentence of your introduction, it must be attended to in the body. The same goes for the claim about his "ability to lead" the USA. Use the evidence you've built in the body to check in on this in your last paragraph, in essentially as many words. Otherwise, the discussion remains incomplete, which will throw off your reader.

Another aspect of diction and rhetoric is in the use of pathos and prose style. How you balance claims and emotional appeals should be considered very carefully, especially when describing real people (for example, paragraph 4). Providing sources, either through in-text citations or a works consulted, will help in this."

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