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Profile Essay: One Man's Story of Hurricane Katrina Bringing His Community Together

In this profile essay, the student profiles a man who lived through Hurricane Katrina, moved out of the area due to the devastation, and eventually came back to help the community recover and grow. The narrative weaves together facts about the storm and its aftermath with direct quotations from an interview of the man and his son.
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This essay received a C by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a C by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Crystal's feedback:

"What a compelling profile overall! You've selected really illustrative quotes and woven them into the broader narrative well (good job with the punctuation around the quotes from Joseph and his son, too!). The opening paragraph with the descriptive details about the storm moving in was a solid hook, but watch out for missing words (in the intro especially, but throughout the paper, too). It might also be a good idea to add a thesis sentence that captures the broad strokes of the narrative about the family/Joseph so that the reader has an idea of what to expect (i.e., establishing the focus sooner). A few other problem areas include switching tenses, awkward word choices, article (a, an, the) errors, and POV shifts--addressing these errors through a solid proofread/edit would measurably improve the overall quality of your essay. Finally, your overall paragraph development was pretty solid in most paragraphs, but the transition from Jordan describing the "veil" covering the town into the final paragraph is very abrupt. It might be worth adding an extra paragraph in there to help make a smoother logical jump between those aspects, which would also allow you to streamline the final paragraph a little more with something that more cohesively brings things together by capturing the broad scope of the paper in some way. Otherwise, the quote you end with has great impact!"

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