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Scholarship Application Essay

In this scholarship essay, the student details their experience and reasons for pursuing this scholarship program.
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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Natalie's feedback:

"You’re off to a good start, but there are several areas needing some improvement: namely, the organization and conventions. Your essay starts with a hook about an experience on a train, but you never provide the context of being on the train. Be sure to link this story to the content of the essay; otherwise, it seems a bit random. You provide a lot of good information about yourself as an applicant to this program, but I feel you could benefit from organizing your essay in a better way. Perhaps start with some background information about yourself and then detail your experience (in terms of schooling and volunteer/work). After that, you could then explain how your background and experience make you the ideal candidate for the program. Be sure to also explain your goals in more detail. Upon returning home, what is it exactly that you would like to do? Do you have a specific career path in mind? Do you plan on pursuing additional degrees? You could then conclude by relating back to your story on the train to really bring the essay full circle. Once you have revised the organization of your essay, proofread very carefully! There were several mistakes in terms of grammar and word choice (for example, you used “fresh student” as opposed to the correct phrase, “new student”). Other than that, your formatting was clear and consistent, so no worries there! With some further editing, you will have a great essay that demonstrates your strength as a candidate for this program."

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