In-text citation:
(Kibin, 2024)
Reference list entry:
Kibin. (2024). How shakespeare creates drama in hamlet by refuting murder-mystery tropes. http://www.kibin.com/essay-examples/shakespeares-hamlet-keeps-reader-confused-maintain-drama-pNlGAWPq
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Bridget's feedback:
"You are off to a good start, and as you move forward in the writing process, I recommend a focus on efficiency and clarity by revising what you have down on the page. For example, your introduction is quite long and results in the play's name (and thus the focus and purpose of the essay) being introduced halfway down the first page. This is too long to ask the reader to wait, and you risk losing their attention or confusing and frustrating them. As I review your opening lines, I notice some work done to justify the analysis the essay embarks on. If you want to make this point about why the audience needs to pay attention, that's fine--try to express this in 1-2 sentences so that you can keep things moving (your very last sentence offers a model for making this more pithy). Keep in mind that you will be using the body paragraphs to justify your suspicions about Gertrude and thus the project itself.
Another obstacle to efficiency and clarity is the use of passive voice and other phrasings that elongate the syntax beyond a direct expression of meaning. Similarly, confusing word choice or erroneous word usage can garble things for the reader (e.g., "Usually in a playwright..."). Proofreading can also help to catch punctuation errors, which can have an outsized effect on clarity because the reader relies on punctuation to guide them through a sentence.
To zoom in for a moment, I want to check in on the claim toward the end that Gertrude's susceptibility to manipulation makes her "just as guilty as he is": the reader will need more guidance to follow how these can be equated."
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In-text citation:
(Kibin, 2024)
Reference list entry:
Kibin. (2024). How shakespeare creates drama in hamlet by refuting murder-mystery tropes. http://www.kibin.com/essay-examples/shakespeares-hamlet-keeps-reader-confused-maintain-drama-pNlGAWPq
In-text citation:
("How Shakespeare Creates Drama in Hamlet by Refuting Murder-Mystery Tropes.")
Works Cited entry:
"How Shakespeare Creates Drama in Hamlet by Refuting Murder-Mystery Tropes." Kibin, 2024, www.kibin.com/essay-examples/shakespeares-hamlet-keeps-reader-confused-maintain-drama-pNlGAWPq
Footnote:
1. "How Shakespeare Creates Drama in Hamlet by Refuting Murder-Mystery Tropes." Kibin, 2024. http://www.kibin.com/essay-examples/shakespeares-hamlet-keeps-reader-confused-maintain-drama-pNlGAWPq.
Bibliography entry:
"How Shakespeare Creates Drama in Hamlet by Refuting Murder-Mystery Tropes." Kibin, 2024. http://www.kibin.com/essay-examples/shakespeares-hamlet-keeps-reader-confused-maintain-drama-pNlGAWPq.
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