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Word Count: 420
he good news is the girls restroom is not filled with cigarette smoke and girl hoods smoking The bad news -- devastating news for a former chemistry and physics major -- is that there are new elements on the Periodic Table of the Elements In my 28-year absence from high school they have discovered Uun Ununnilium 1987 Uuu Unununium 1994 and Uub Ununbium 1996 Oh they discovered Seaborgium and Bohrium in the 70s but we knew those were coming And theyre recognizable they have only two letters Who ever heard of all those Uus I wanted to leave the classroom and head to the smoke-free bathroom Steller Secondary School is small only 300 students Smaller than most elementary schools My student Areli had to drive to the University of Alaska Anchorage for a Spanish class There are no advanced-placement classes at Steller no athletics So everyone had a car and
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