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"Your current draft presents a number of interesting observations, facts, and ideas; however, the paper's purpose is currently rather hard to determine. Is this a history of advertising, as suggested by the hook? A rhetorical analysis of a SodaStream commercial (first two body paragraphs)? An assessment of visual ads (last two body paragraphs)? An essay about the power of advertising (the conclusion)? Each new paragraph introduces new and interesting ideas, but without a grounding thesis and statement of purpose, the reader has a hard time understanding what the essay is truly about.
In addition to imposing a clear and focused thesis statement, consider further transitional and signposting language that helps the reader understand how each paragraph relates back to the thesis (that is, to your argument, beyond the topic of advertising). I also recommend streamlining the commercial description or, alternately, analyzing each detail you consider important as you describe it, perhaps by synthesizing the approach of the first two body paragraphs into a more analysis-oriented discussion."
Kibin. (2023). Snoop dogg and sodastream: humor, absurdism, and celebrity in video advertising. http://www.kibin.com/essay-examples/snoop-dogg-and-sodastream-humor-absurdism-and-celebrity-in-video-advertising-DzGT2OcX
Be sure to capitalize proper nouns (e.g. Egypt) and titles (e.g. Macbeth) in the essay title portion of your citation.
("Snoop Dogg and SodaStream: Humor, Absurdism, and Celebrity in Video Advertising.")
Works Cited entry:
"Snoop Dogg and SodaStream: Humor, Absurdism, and Celebrity in Video Advertising." Kibin, 2023, www.kibin.com/essay-examples/snoop-dogg-and-sodastream-humor-absurdism-and-celebrity-in-video-advertising-DzGT2OcX
1. "Snoop Dogg and SodaStream: Humor, Absurdism, and Celebrity in Video Advertising." Kibin, 2023. http://www.kibin.com/essay-examples/snoop-dogg-and-sodastream-humor-absurdism-and-celebrity-in-video-advertising-DzGT2OcX.
"Snoop Dogg and SodaStream: Humor, Absurdism, and Celebrity in Video Advertising." Kibin, 2023. http://www.kibin.com/essay-examples/snoop-dogg-and-sodastream-humor-absurdism-and-celebrity-in-video-advertising-DzGT2OcX.
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