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Solutions for Cultivating Better Retirement Savings Efforts

In this essay, the student discusses the current retirement crisis in the United States and provides several solutions for bolstering retirement savings.
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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Natalie's feedback:

"Saving for retirement is definitely something very important that doesn’t seem to be talked about enough! Throughout your essay, you remained focused and included quite a bit of interesting information pertinent to the topic. There were several conventional errors, so be sure to proofread carefully. There were also some formatting errors, so you may want to reference an MLA style guide.

Where your essay suffered the most, however, was in terms of organization. Your points were presented in a seemingly random order and there was some repetition. I would suggest breaking your points down into solutions at the individual (e.g., people cultivating/maintaining good savings habits), familial (e.g., parents teaching their children about good fiscal habits), local (e.g., schools teaching kids good fiscal habits and jobs implementing better retirement plans), and governmental (e.g., the government providing social safety nets and improving institutions like social security) level and dedicating a paragraph to each. This will allow you to fully explain your proposed solutions at each level without repetition or confusion. Your thesis needs some revision as well so that it touches on your solutions.

This a good first draft, and with some editing, you will have a great essay."

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