In-text citation:
(Kibin, 2023)
Reference list entry:
Kibin. (2023). The adverse effects of technology on children's health. http://www.kibin.com/essay-examples/the-adverse-effects-of-technology-on-childrens-health-2L6kU68A
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Crystal's feedback:
"Overall, your paper is very good and really nicely focused! You start off well with good background info on technology and health and end with a great specific thesis statement that outlines the three adverse effects of technology; however, it’s a bit awkwardly phrased because who is affected by those things isn’t named in the thesis. Your overall paragraph development in the body paragraphs was also in pretty good shape, and your topic sentences on the adverse effects align beautifully with your thesis. In addition, the quotes are integrated with sound, logical analysis, and you engage well with them to support your arguments. Your transitioning is also solid between sentences/within paragraphs, but be careful not to overuse the same transitional words too closely together or too often (e.g., see your use of "additionally" in the first body paragraph). On transitioning between paragraphs, there’s quite a bit of overlap between the end of one paragraph and beginning of another (e.g., see transitioning between first and second body paragraphs). It would be better to bring each paragraph full circle to a "so what?" element (why the information and analysis supports your topic sentence and thesis statement). Also, "all aspects of health" should be focused on in your conclusion rather than in the end of the last body paragraph. Finally, your formatting looks great and your writing conventions (diction, grammar, punctuation) is excellent overall, but watch out for awkward phrasing, subject/verb agreements (e.g., “The increase of lashing out, once again, are..."), and unclear pronouns (e.g., see "them" in your final sentence). Very persuasive overall with strong, well-supported arguments!"
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In-text citation:
(Kibin, 2023)
Reference list entry:
Kibin. (2023). The adverse effects of technology on children's health. http://www.kibin.com/essay-examples/the-adverse-effects-of-technology-on-childrens-health-2L6kU68A
In-text citation:
("The Adverse Effects of Technology on Children's Health.")
Works Cited entry:
"The Adverse Effects of Technology on Children's Health." Kibin, 2023, www.kibin.com/essay-examples/the-adverse-effects-of-technology-on-childrens-health-2L6kU68A
Footnote:
1. "The Adverse Effects of Technology on Children's Health." Kibin, 2023. http://www.kibin.com/essay-examples/the-adverse-effects-of-technology-on-childrens-health-2L6kU68A.
Bibliography entry:
"The Adverse Effects of Technology on Children's Health." Kibin, 2023. http://www.kibin.com/essay-examples/the-adverse-effects-of-technology-on-childrens-health-2L6kU68A.
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