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The Balenciaga Advertising Scandal and How It Was Reported

This essay covers the Balenciaga advertising scandal, in which some say the company displayed Satanic imagery and sexualized children. The student focuses on a report on the scandal by Ben Cost.
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This essay received a C by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a C by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Bob's feedback:

"You cover a lot of different angles about the scandal and Cost's report on it. While there is a lot of great information here, the essay suffers from problems with focus and organization.

Your introduction jumps from topic to topic and does not quite explain what the scandal is about. The sentence about the Supreme Court case is particularly out of place here. Make sure to introduce the topic to the reader and build to your thesis statement.

It's difficult to tell what your essay's purpose is. Are you analyzing Cost's report or reporting on the scandal yourself? If the focus is meant to be on Cost's report, you'll want to make sure to come back to that frequently, pointing out how the scandal was reported rather than simply reporting on it yourself.

Be sure to edit your paper thoroughly as there are frequent errors, some confusing sentences, and awkward wording."

Learn more about this feedback