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The Benefits of Vegetarianism and Veganism

In this argumentative essay, a student explains why vegetarianism has become more popular in contemporary times. The student talks about the benefits vegetarianism brings to the environment, personal health, and the treatment of livestock.
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This essay received a C by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a C by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Angela's feedback:

"You're good at pulling quotes from sources, integrating them into your work, and providing analysis about them. In addition, your thesis statement clearly establishes your support of the adoption of a vegetarian diet. However, the material you've chosen to quote and discuss in your body paragraphs doesn't convincingly argue your point about the benefits of vegetarianism. The reader can tell that you're trying to provide counterarguments to people who point out the negatives of vegetarianism, but these counterarguments are unsatisfying because you're lacking evidence that shows the claims are untrue or overblown. For example, while you bring up the problem vegetarianism in the developed world is causing in the developing countries that are producing products such as quinoa and avocados, you don't explain to the reader why it's still beneficial to be a vegetarian even if doing so causes problems for people in developing nations. In addition, your paper would be stronger if you defined for the reader what "vegetarian" means in the context of your work. Many people who call themselves vegetarians are actually pescatarians, and in the Western world, "vegetarian" is commonly accepted to mean ovo-lacto vegetarian. Any discussion about the benefits of vegetarianism that also accounts for pescatarians and ovo-lacto vegetarians should address issues such a fish farming and keeping animals as livestock. Also, because there is a significant difference between vegans and vegetarians, it is not strictly true that a benefit brought about by veganism is an example of a benefit of vegetarianism. A thorough edit is recommended to catch errors such as your use of the word "sites" instead of "cites.""

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