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The Kids Are Alright: Balancing Family Time When Both Parents Work

This opinion essay addresses trends toward dual-income families. The student argues that childcare is a net positive and suggests that making the effort to set aside some family time, as possible, will create a healthy home environment.
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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

cost of living, financial status
Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Bridget's feedback:

"While I appreciate the empathetic common-sense advice you offer toward the end, the decision not to incorporate sources, whether as studies or data, makes the purpose of this essay a little difficult to determine. Watch out for phrases like those that open your essay: "It seems as though" and "some people" build up to the point of waffling. To create more urgency and help establish the situation as "real," source some data or statistics that can help create a foundation for the rest of the discussion. Doing so in the body of the essay will also help move the discussion away from the current reliance on generalizations, assumptions, and elisions (e.g., what social class or income bracket is being profiled?), and will help justify and define claims like "Childcare costs range from..." (what year or decade are these figures from?).

Another main task will be proofreading. Your flow, pacing, and syntax is sound, but clusters of errors or typos create clarity issues that will need to be resolved."

Learn more about this feedback