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How Hester Personifies the Evils of Materialism in "The Rocking-Horse Winner"

In this literary analysis of "The Rocking-Horse Winner" by D. H. Lawrence, the student argues that Hester's selfish actions and personality are the main means by which Lawrence comments on money and materialism.
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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Bridget's feedback:

"You are off to a good start with this draft, showing a clear sense of purpose that orients each paragraph toward the thesis. A potential issue is in the reliance on what appears to be an outside source in summarizing plot, and an overreliance on it to extend certain argumentative points (Kaplan); to help amend this, I recommend paraphrase or summary, properly cited, rather than direct quotations that end up overshadowing your own analytical work. As you consider this, also think about what is vital to conveying the ideas and what is filler.

This task will also benefit the discussion at the sentence level. I spot several clusters of sentences that, with some firm revision, could be distilled down to one or two punchier sentences that keep the discussion moving. For example, consider this revised sentence from page 2: "Hester cannot stand that someone is making more money than she is, a dissatisfaction that reveals a woman who wants more and better things than anyone else and who only thinks of herself." By streamlining these elements, you can tighten up the paragraphs, most of which are very long, and move the focus away from description and more into the analytical work."

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