The Characteristics of AIDS and Its Effects
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"You have done a great job detailing the history of AIDS and describing the disease. You have started the essay with an introduction that provides some background information that helps the reader understand what the goal of the essay is. While you attempted a thesis statement, it should be much more specific. List the key points that you intend to discuss in the essay. While you have organized the information in your essay in a logical manner, the formatting of the headings is awkward, making the essay look some what messy. There are a number of places in the essay where you have introduced ideas that feel like they need to be elaborated upon. There are also some things in the essay that need to be clarified. You keep saying "in this country" but the reader doesn't know what country you are in. You also mentioned a person of Congress dying from AIDS. Consider including the name of the person. Despite the fact that you have included so many details, there are no in-text citations. Make sure to cite any information that you obtained from another source to avoid plagiarism issues. Last, there are a significant number of grammar, sentence structure, and punctuation errors that are making the essay harder to read. "
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