The Consequences of Being Inexperienced and Underage in the Military

This is a story about an underage boy named Miguel who lied about his age and joined the military so that his old, sick father didn't need to. Miguel took a boat and marched with his troops with a rifle in his hand. He got assigned to an army battalion called Mantis. After Miguel reconnected with his long-time friend Miyagi, a shell hit their camp, and the barracks went up in flames. After the chaos had subsided, they found that the spotter had died. Miguel volunteered to replace him. Miguel sat in trenches while the group ventured into no-man land to spread mines. Unfortunately, Miguel didn't realize that the enemy spotter had spotted them, and they were attacked. An artillery shell landed next to Miguel, knocking him out. He awoke on a medical ship being yelled at by the colonial. He learned that he had an amputated leg, and his vocal cords were damaged. He also learned that he was the only one who survived, and the colonial felt that he was a coward who lied.

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Jenn's feedback:

"This story is off to an excellent start. It is clear from the beginning what the purpose of your essay is, and it is also clear that you stay focused on that purpose throughout the story. The content of your story is excellent. You have well-developed content and have articulated sophisticated ideas. For the most part, the formatting of your paper is fantastic too. This is important because neat formatting improves reading comprehension and cohesion of concepts. There are a couple of places where there is inconsistent spacing. For the most part, you have a good command of writing conventions. You could resolve some grammar and sentence structure errors to improve the flow of the story. I suggest that you figure out a way to include a clear introduction and a more elaborate conclusion. This way, the reader will better understand what you are writing and how Miguel feels at the end of the story."

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(Kibin, 2024)

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Kibin. (2024). The consequences of being inexperienced and underage in the military. http://www.kibin.com/essay-examples/the-consequences-of-being-inexperienced-and-underage-in-the-military-qFcf42KK

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("The Consequences of Being Inexperienced and Underage in the Military.")

Works Cited entry:

"The Consequences of Being Inexperienced and Underage in the Military." Kibin, 2024, www.kibin.com/essay-examples/the-consequences-of-being-inexperienced-and-underage-in-the-military-qFcf42KK

Footnote:

1. "The Consequences of Being Inexperienced and Underage in the Military." Kibin, 2024. http://www.kibin.com/essay-examples/the-consequences-of-being-inexperienced-and-underage-in-the-military-qFcf42KK.

Bibliography entry:

"The Consequences of Being Inexperienced and Underage in the Military." Kibin, 2024. http://www.kibin.com/essay-examples/the-consequences-of-being-inexperienced-and-underage-in-the-military-qFcf42KK.