The Day My Family Moved from the United States to Senegal

In this admissions essay, a student talks about how his life changed when his parents moved the family from the United States to Senegal when he was young. The student shares how living in Senegal for eleven years taught him to appreciate different environments and cultures.

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Angela's feedback:

"You have an interesting personal story to share, and it makes sense to talk about your family's move to Senegal since living in a different country has clearly had a big impact on you. You also do a good job of opening your essay in an engaging manner. However, your work would benefit from being split up into multiple paragraphs. At the moment, there are no ideal places for readers to pause and absorb the material you're presenting, so it's easy to lose track of the narrative. Focusing on recasting run-on sentences will also strengthen the flow of your writing and improve your work's readability. When editing the work, time should also be spent on addressing word choice errors and typos. For example, the word "overtime" is mistakenly used instead of "over time" in one instance and another part of the text reads incorrectly as "it wasn't trip" instead of "it wasn't a trip.""

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In-text citation:

(Kibin, 2024)

Reference list entry:

Kibin. (2024). The day my family moved from the united states to senegal. http://www.kibin.com/essay-examples/the-day-my-family-moved-from-the-united-states-to-senegal-f1jKVA9y

Be sure to capitalize proper nouns (e.g. Egypt) and titles (e.g. Macbeth) in the essay title portion of your citation.

In-text citation:

("The Day My Family Moved from the United States to Senegal.")

Works Cited entry:

"The Day My Family Moved from the United States to Senegal." Kibin, 2024, www.kibin.com/essay-examples/the-day-my-family-moved-from-the-united-states-to-senegal-f1jKVA9y

Footnote:

1. "The Day My Family Moved from the United States to Senegal." Kibin, 2024. http://www.kibin.com/essay-examples/the-day-my-family-moved-from-the-united-states-to-senegal-f1jKVA9y.

Bibliography entry:

"The Day My Family Moved from the United States to Senegal." Kibin, 2024. http://www.kibin.com/essay-examples/the-day-my-family-moved-from-the-united-states-to-senegal-f1jKVA9y.