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The Draft in America Has Always Targeted the Working Class and Minorities

This essay discusses the draft system in the United States. The student examines how it has disproportionately targeted the working class and minorities since it was first introduced during the American Civil War.
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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Bob's feedback:

"This is a powerful paper on an important and often overlooked subject. You present your arguments well and support them with sources.

The biggest improvement you can make to this paper would be to work on transitions and flow of ideas. There are many places where it feels like facts about the war or the draft are simply being listed without connecting to one another, or where ideas seem like they have a connection that isn't explicitly stated.

One such problem area is when you mention that other countries have a history of conscription, while the United States does not. You then go on to describe conscription in the United States. What is the relationship between the first thought and the second? Are you showing that the United States only practices conscription when in need? Or are you implying that the U.S. eventually gave up on one of its ideals?

The paragraph that discusses the reasons that Black Americans opposed fighting is powerful, yet it takes a while to get rolling. The first few sentences meander, finally getting to the main idea of the paragraph. Consider working with an editor to address these issues and present your information in a more logical, compelling order.

Aside from occasional small errors (especially with regards to capitalization), your paper is written well. However, there are instances of informal language that do not belong in an academic paper, such as referring to the war as "'Nam" and referencing an investigation into "why it sucked.""

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