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"You have some strong ideas here, especially the point about passion not being nurtured in the classroom. You may want to develop this idea further and make it your central point.
As the essay stands, the main thesis is difficult to identify. It's clear that you believe that the education system is not suited to today's world, but that is a very broad point. Consider honing in on the idea of passion -- or another specific aspect of education that is not working -- and making sure you address it in your introduction and thesis statement.
There are a lot of broad statements here that should be supported. Some of the language comes across as dismissive without making a strong argument. Consider including strong ideas about improvements that can be made so your essay comes across more as an actionable plan than a general complaint.
There are frequent grammatical errors and awkward sentences that should be addressed. It would be a good idea to work with an editor to identify these as well as ideas that are not fully developed. Casual language (such as beginning a sentence with "heck") and first-person ("I") statements should be avoided in formal writing."
Kibin. (2023). The education system should focus on students' strengths and passion. http://www.kibin.com/essay-examples/the-education-system-should-focus-on-students-strengths-and-passion-pdKtO3bd
Be sure to capitalize proper nouns (e.g. Egypt) and titles (e.g. Macbeth) in the essay title portion of your citation.
("The Education System Should Focus on Students' Strengths and Passion.")
Works Cited entry:
"The Education System Should Focus on Students' Strengths and Passion." Kibin, 2023, www.kibin.com/essay-examples/the-education-system-should-focus-on-students-strengths-and-passion-pdKtO3bd
1. "The Education System Should Focus on Students' Strengths and Passion." Kibin, 2023. http://www.kibin.com/essay-examples/the-education-system-should-focus-on-students-strengths-and-passion-pdKtO3bd.
"The Education System Should Focus on Students' Strengths and Passion." Kibin, 2023. http://www.kibin.com/essay-examples/the-education-system-should-focus-on-students-strengths-and-passion-pdKtO3bd.
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