The Struggle between Israel and Palestine for Control of Jerusalem

This essay briefly recaps the background and development of the struggle between Israel and Palestine for control of Jerusalem.

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Jim's feedback:

"You open by mentioning “these words,” but what are the words? You should avoid informal language, e.g., write “much” instead of “a lot.” Include a comma after the day in a date. You use a comma splice in the first paragraph. This is the linking of two sentences with a comma. Please look this up and correct this. You describe Palestine in the second paragraph in an incomplete sentence, which lacks a subject and verb. You quote reference material, but you do not use quotation marks. This is confusing, and in any case, you should write these descriptions in your own words, and place the citation inside the sentence, not between sentences. Book titles should be italicized and not written in all capital letters. Some citations have no space in the page number (“pg.26”).

You devote a large part of this short essay to descriptions of Palestine and Israel, and I do not see how this contributes to your argument. You need to focus on developing your theme in this brief paper.

You also must improve your grammar. One way to do this is to run a grammar check on your work. This will identify many of the issues I see, and give you a chance to correct them."

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In-text citation:

(Kibin, 2025)

Reference list entry:

Kibin. (2025). The struggle between israel and palestine for control of jerusalem. http://www.kibin.com/essay-examples/the-struggle-between-israel-and-palestine-for-control-of-jerusalem-UasLk925

Be sure to capitalize proper nouns (e.g. Egypt) and titles (e.g. Macbeth) in the essay title portion of your citation.

In-text citation:

("The Struggle between Israel and Palestine for Control of Jerusalem.")

Works Cited entry:

"The Struggle between Israel and Palestine for Control of Jerusalem." Kibin, 2025, www.kibin.com/essay-examples/the-struggle-between-israel-and-palestine-for-control-of-jerusalem-UasLk925

Footnote:

1. "The Struggle between Israel and Palestine for Control of Jerusalem." Kibin, 2025. http://www.kibin.com/essay-examples/the-struggle-between-israel-and-palestine-for-control-of-jerusalem-UasLk925.

Bibliography entry:

"The Struggle between Israel and Palestine for Control of Jerusalem." Kibin, 2025. http://www.kibin.com/essay-examples/the-struggle-between-israel-and-palestine-for-control-of-jerusalem-UasLk925.