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Religion Plays an Important Role in Young People's Lives

This paper discusses the role of religion in several aspects of people's daily lives. The student jumps between topics, discussing religiosity among college students, sexual abuse scandals, and religion's influence on modern music.
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This essay received a C by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a C by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Bob's feedback:

"You've attempted to cover a lot of ground, and while you raise several interesting ideas, it looks like this essay's focus may be too broad. You start off by stating that you will examine two topics: Religion among young adults and religion as it relates to sexual issues. This is already troublesome as these are two fairly separate topics to being with. But your paper tackles much more than that, and none of the ideas are developed. There is very little transition between ideas, and little support for your claims.

Think about what you want to focus on for your paper, and make sure to stay on that topic. Make sure to break your essay down into paragraphs, and have a single focus for each paragraph that relates to your thesis statement. Information or trains of thought that may be interesting or even important may nonetheless not belong in this essay. Consider working with an editor to organize your thoughts and weed out unnecessary info."

Learn more about this feedback