The Need for Keeping Peace in the Future in Reference to NATO
More essays like this:
More essays like this:
"Overall, I think you have a good start to this essay. You have some great little nuggets of ideas throughout your essay, however, they get a little lost in the flow and organization of your essay. Your final paragraph almost seems more like an introduction than a conclusion. You are missing a thesis for your essay, but you have a bit of one in that final paragraph. I would suggest thinking about what the main focus of your essay is and then trying to structure a thesis around that. What are your main arguments for and against the two sides? What are your main arguments for the combination of the two sides to promote world peace? It was also a bit unclear as to what the main focus of your essay is. It seemed as if you were discussing the two sides, but then, you shifted to giving your own opinion. Make sure you denote the focus in your thesis, because it will help clarify a lot of the questions your reader might have. I would also divide up your paper into different sections discussing the two sides. In the paragraph in which you talk about both, it became very confusing and hard to follow which side believed what. That all being said, you do have a lot of great ideas. You just need to spend some time proofreading and editing it to fine tune a lot of those ideas. "
Learn more about this feedback
You know how looking at a math problem similar to the one you're stuck on can help you get unstuck? Reading example essays works the same way!
Here are some ways our essay examples library can help you with your assignment:
- Brainstorm a strong, interesting topic
- Learn what works (and what doesn't) from the reader's perspective. What hooks you? What makes you cringe?
- Uncover new sources by reviewing other students' references and bibliographies
- Inspire new perspectives and arguments (or counterarguments) to address in your own essay
Read our Academic Honor Code for more information on how to use (and how not to use) our library.
Essays may be lightly modified for readability or to protect the anonymity of contributors, but we do not edit essay examples prior to publication. (And nope, we don't source our examples from our editing service! Check out our Privacy and Content Sharing policies for more information.)
The essays in our library are intended to serve as content examples to inspire you as you write your own essay. They're not intended to be submitted as your own work, so we don't waste time removing every error. This allows our team to focus on improving the library and adding new essays.
The example essays in Kibin's library were written by real students for real classes. To protect the anonymity of contributors, we've removed their names and personal information from the essays. When citing an essay from our library, you can use "Kibin" as the author.
Kibin does not guarantee the accuracy, timeliness, or completeness of the essays in the library; essay content should not be construed as advice. For more information on choosing credible sources for your paper, check out this blog post.
Did you find something inaccurate, misleading, abusive, or otherwise problematic in this essay example? Let us know! We'll take a look right away.