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The Negative Impacts of Technology

This is a persuasive essay in which the author takes the stance that technology is having a negative impact on society. The author suggests that we are no longer able to focus for long periods of time because of how quickly the internet supplies information. The author also suggests that technology has increased our distractability and has significantly decreased physical interactions between people.
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This essay received a C by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a C by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Jenn's feedback:

"You have done a great job making it clear what your stance is on the impact of technology. In order to help your paper flow in a more logical manner I would suggest writing a clear introduction that ends with a guiding thesis statement. While there are strong points made throughout your essay, some of them seem anecdotal and others seem as if they are factual but should be supported by citations. I would also suggest removing the word "we" from your text and either using the word "I" or leaving out pronouns altogether since not everyone shares your opinion on the topic. Another thing that would help your essay is writing a clear and concise conclusion that reiterates your thesis statement and summarizes all of the main points made in the body of the essay. Throughout the essay there are minor formatting errors such as inconsistent line spacing. The most obvious formatting error is in your Works Cited where your indenting is incorrect. Last, there are a large number of grammar, punctuation, and sentence structure errors throughout the essay. Many of these errors appear as run-on sentences. Consider getting another pair of eyes to look over your paper and give specific feedback to resolve these issues."

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