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The Negative Impacts of Unemployment

This argumentative essay focuses on the negative impacts of unemployment on individuals and their larger communities. For instance, the essay looks at divorce, psychological issues, and economic damages.
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This essay received a C by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a C by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Iva's feedback:

"I appreciate how focused you remain on the topic of the negative impacts of unemployment throughout your essay. However, I would have liked to see you develop and support your arguments a little more. For example, in the third body paragraph, you write that unemployment will widen the gap between rich and poor but do not go on to expand on how this would damage the economy. Furthermore, your transitions between paragraphs tend to be abrupt: in all three body paragraph, you end with sentences that make the reader feel like more details should be coming rather than ones that tie together the paragraphs and allow for a smooth transition to the next topic. This smoothness is also impacted by your introduction and conclusion, both of which focus more on the general necessity of money rather than emphasizing your essay topic: the negative effects of unemployment. Finally, there are multiple instances of confusing wording in your essay (ex., in the fourth sentence of the opening paragraph, the second part of the sentence is unclear about who the "they" and "them" are). Revising these will help the reader focus on your ideas rather than on trying to decipher meaning."

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