The Negative Influences of Social Media on Children and Adults
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"You have done a great job writing an informative introduction with a clear thesis statement that guides the rest of your essay. You then produced a neatly formatted essay that is supported by quality evidence leading to it being cohesive and easily read. Because of your clear thesis statement, the arrangement of the information in the body of your text is somewhat confusing. Readers will be able to make more sense of your message if the information is presented in the same order that you highlight it in your thesis statement. Also, make sure to always relate whatever topic you are talking about back to social media. While you talk about each form of influence thoroughly, each from of influence can occur on and off of social media. Consider giving specific social media examples. You tend to switch back and forth between scholarly language and conversational language throughout the essay which affects it cohesiveness. Make sure that you maintain a scholarly tone throughout the entirety of the paper. Based on whatever writing style you are supposed to be using, make sure that you are properly formatting your citations. Last, the conclusion of your essay seems a bit abrupt. Consider elaborating on how people can learn how to act on social media. "
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