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Why the Industrial Revolution Should Be Viewed as a Net Positive

In this essay, the student outlines the pros and cons of the Industrial Revolution in Britain, concluding that the advances outweighed the burdens.
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This essay received a C by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a C by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Bridget's feedback:

"This essay provides a solid look at the pros and cons of Britain's experience during this time period. I had, however, a hard time finding my feet as I read in terms of purpose. The essay seems to be written from a perspective contemporary to that time. If this is indeed the project, that's a really interesting approach, and your reader will appreciate a clue to this in the introduction (or, perhaps, the title). I think the use of present tense and "our" in that first paragraph do some of that work, but something more specific would really help place your audience. If this is a speech transcript, you can be even more blunt about the rhetorical situation; on the other hand, if you are confident your instructor knows what's going on, that's fine, too -- define your audience and pitch toward that.

My other main comment is also related to clarity, in this case at the sentence level. Occasional stilted or awkward phrasing makes for a bumpy reading experience; focus on clarity and precision at the local level to revise into your next draft."

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