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The Sexualization of Women in Aqua's "Barbie Girl"

This analysis examines the song "Barbie Girl" by Aqua. The student argues that the lyrics promote the sexualization of women.
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This essay received a C by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a C by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

MJ's feedback:

"This essay is off to a good start. You have a working thesis statement and make an effort to analyze the lyrics in your chosen song. However, it is sometimes difficult to make sense of your argument because of how your essay is organized. Each body paragraph should have a clear topic sentence, and the following sentences of that paragraph should support the topic sentence. Your paragraphs tend to focus on multiple ideas, and in some cases, you repeat yourself. When revising, try to think of one specific idea to discuss per body paragraph to give your argument a clearer focus. For example, one of your paragraphs could analyze how the lyrics suggest that men can do whatever the please; another paragraph could focus on what the lyrics say about how women should act.

There are also issues throughout your paper in terms of grammar, punctuation, and word choice. For instance, you tend to use second person frequently. Second person is when you address the reader as "you," such as when you say: "This states to young children that you can make her perform whatever you like as the owner." Second person is not generally acceptable in academic writing. A better way to write that sentence would be: "This gives young children the message that Barbie can be made to perform in any way her owner chooses." For further assistance with these errors, consider having your paper edited.

One final area for improvement is your academic formatting, particularly your citations. In an academic paper, all information that comes from a source needs to be cited in-text, with an accompanying entry in a reference list. Citations must follow an approved style guide -- for an English essay, MLA is usually appropriate. Check with your instructor for help if you aren't sure which style guide to use."

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