1. Home

The Story of a Boy in Postapocalyptic North America

In this piece of creative writing, a student introduces a boy who is living in postapocalyptic North America. The boy spends his days scavenging to survive and comes across a building that has a mysterious light within.
PAGES
3
WORDS
971
  Cite
View Full Essay
About this essay
This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley
Generating Preview...
This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Angela's feedback:

"You have put together an interesting story, but your last paragraph is somewhat confusing. The phrases “Dirt pushed forward” and “Locking forward his eyes screamed red” are especially awkward and would benefit from revision. Moreover, while it’s perfectly acceptable to write sentence fragments, keep in mind that they should be used sparingly or else the reader may become desensitized to the construction. Your first paragraph in particular has many sentence fragments that could prove distracting since they interrupt the flow of your narrative. Word choice issues include the use of “unseemingly” and “protruded.” Your semicolon use should be revisited, and there’s a typo with the appearance of “of” instead of “off.” There’s also a pronoun-antecedent problem with “themselves” being matched with “man.”"

Learn more about this feedback