The Ugly Effects of Television Violence on Children
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"You've chosen an interesting topic and you've done well incorporating research and examples into your paper. You've stayed focused on your topic throughout, and you also demonstrate a good grasp on in-text citations. I did identify some grammatical and syntax issues, such as the wrong form of a word being used ("violence" instead of "violent," etc.). Your paper would benefit from a thorough editing and proofreading to correct punctuation issues and typographical errors and to improve clarity and flow. Try to avoid too much repetition of ideas, which is especially noticeable in your second paragraph. Also be careful of making strong claims that can't actually be proven, i.e. "This problem will, no doubt, never go away and continue to get worse..." This type of statement predicts the future rather than highlighting a trend or probability based on facts. Also note that your paper needs a Works Cited page listing all of the references cited in your paper, and is missing a proper page header and page numbers."
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