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Three Key Character Traits Exhibited in "Louisa, "Please Come Home" by Shirley Jackson

In this essay, the student focuses on the following three traits that Louisa exhibits in the short story "Louisa, Please Come Home" by Shirley Jackson: independence, selfishness, and cleverness. The essay highlights and analyzes examples of how Louisa displays those traits in various points of the story.
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This essay received a C by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a C by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

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Crystal's feedback:

"You’ve done a lovely job staying narrowly focused on three traits that Louisa exhibits, but your intro doesn’t have a clear thesis statement (at end of intro) focused on the traits and why they matter (the bigger takeaway), which would better set up the body paragraphs. In the body paragraphs, you do a great job with topic sentences in the paragraphs on her being selfish and independent, but not in the paragraph on her being clever. In addition, the content in each paragraph is more summary than analysis; you might find the PIE paragraph structure helpful to focus more on how/why the examples show each trait. A longer conclusion would better bring everything together as well. It’s great that you brought in all three traits in the short existing conclusion, but more synthesis and a final takeaway (that circles back to any thesis statement you create) would make the closing stronger. The paragraph on Louisa’s selfishness also seems much more robust than paragraphs for the other two traits. Finally, many areas lack the transitions and smooth connections needed for good flow, and there are significant sentence structure issues that should be cleaned up to ensure clarity and good readability. You have a ton of great details woven in throughout the paper and smartly keep each body paragraph focused on one trait, but try to focus more on analyzing those details/points and strengthening the intro and conclusion."

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