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Two Responses to Amy Tan's "Mother Tongue"

Each of these two paragraphs respond from slightly different angles to Amy Tan's essay "Mother Tongue." One focuses on themes of respect, while the second paragraph discusses how institutions (schools, testing) might better understand the phenomenon of different "Englishes," as Tan has phrased it. (The paragraphs are alternative responses to a single prompt--not part of a two-paragraph whole.)
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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Bridget's feedback:

"These two paragraphs responding to Tan's essay are both well-organized and clearly written. The mechanics (grammar, punctuation) are excellent. You indicated that each paragraph represents a slightly different approach to the topic, so ultimately, you will want to decide which best responds to the prompt. The first is a more universal argument for acceptance, and the second seems more focused on institutions and testing.

I do have a handful of recommendations that apply to both paragraphs: first, I suggest making the use of the text more explicit. Right now, the only way the reader knows this is about Tan's essay is from the title. You do a good job showing when the anecdote starts, but rather than use vague phrasing like "An example is given..." or "One example...", tell the reader exactly where and what the example is using signal phrases (Amy Tan writes..., In "Mother Tongue"...). Navigating between personal opinion and fact (indicated by you as part of the prompt or assignment) will depend on what your "sources" are. You can present points made by Tan with a citation (including with a signal phrase), and then your commentary on Tan's ideas will be the argument (opinion). The alternative is to use outside sourcing to back up claims like "especially Asian-Americans, struggle... and score poorly..." For example, you might look into standardized testing data trends. Rhetorically speaking, what will make a statement like that "fact" or fact-based will be proper sourcing/citation."

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