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Bridget's feedback:
"This statement is organized very well, with a good eye for flow and structure. I do notice a number of minor errors, including some diction issues; a thorough proofread should catch these. My main recommendation is to identify areas in the statement where you can use specific details to make you stand out more as a candidate with unique experience. I recommend defining the mission of the Royal Commission and your work there, particularly if any tasks or assignments really motivated or inspired you. Other elements that you could highlight might be aspects of heritage tourism or working with government bodies.
Another strategy to create personality and color for your reader is the use of anecdote. Is there a story or instance from your work with the Royal Commission that you feel embodies your commitment or interests, or an anecdote that describes your connection to the area or region you hope to eventually work in (whether it's AlUla or elsewhere)? Creating a brief narrative (not more than a paragraph) can help create a memorable connection with the reader."
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In-text citation:
(Kibin, 2023)
Reference list entry:
Kibin. (2023). Why a master's in tourism administration suits my background and future career. http://www.kibin.com/essay-examples/why-a-masters-in-tourism-administration-suits-my-background-and-future-career-qoZzrYlJ
In-text citation:
("Why a Master's in Tourism Administration Suits My Background and Future Career.")
Works Cited entry:
"Why a Master's in Tourism Administration Suits My Background and Future Career." Kibin, 2023, www.kibin.com/essay-examples/why-a-masters-in-tourism-administration-suits-my-background-and-future-career-qoZzrYlJ
Footnote:
1. "Why a Master's in Tourism Administration Suits My Background and Future Career." Kibin, 2023. http://www.kibin.com/essay-examples/why-a-masters-in-tourism-administration-suits-my-background-and-future-career-qoZzrYlJ.
Bibliography entry:
"Why a Master's in Tourism Administration Suits My Background and Future Career." Kibin, 2023. http://www.kibin.com/essay-examples/why-a-masters-in-tourism-administration-suits-my-background-and-future-career-qoZzrYlJ.
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