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Why I Am a Good Fit for the RIT and SUNY Upstate Accelerated Scholars Program

In this admissions document, a student answers a series of questions to explain why she is an ideal candidate for the Rochester Institute of Technology (RIT) and the State University of New York (SUNY) Upstate Accelerated Scholars Program. The student discusses her volunteer experiences in healthcare settings, through Habitat for Humanity, and with her church.
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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Angela's feedback:

"You fully answer all of the questions, and you provide good examples to illustrate different points when called to do so. However, you have a tendency to repeat yourself and the words you use, so your work would benefit from a review to shorten various answers and vary your vocabulary where appropriate. For example, there are places where you use the word “realize” multiple times in a given sentence or across a short span of sentences. In addition, you state the that math challenge is 14 hours long four times in your description of the event. You also have a tendency to places commas where they’re unnecessary and may be distracting as seen in the phrases “merit, but also” and “mistakes, and how.” There are word choice problems with your use of “wonder” and “dependability,” and there’s a typo with the use of “expect” instead of “except.” Your work would look neater overall if you consistently used the serial comma and indented the first line of each paragraph by half an inch. Review is also needed to ensure that you maintain consistent spacing practices between all questions and answers."

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