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Why I Deserve the Belt and Road Scholarship

In this personal statement, a student is applying for a government scholarship to study at the University of Hong Kong. The student describes their background in education and overcoming a language barrier as an exchange student.
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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Erin's feedback:

"Your writing is very tidy and well-organized, which is essential when writing a personal statement as it makes a good first impression. While you have control over your grammar for the most part, there are a few awkward phrases, grammatical errors, and transitions that could be more smooth, such as "In line to this." Your usage of punctuation is excellent, though. In addition, be sure to be specific when using pronouns like "it"; in the final sentence of your introduction, for example, it's not clear what you mean by "it provides". Your writing purpose and content are clear, but I would recommend a round of editing to truly polish your personal statement before submission."

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