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Why Men Are More Likely to Commit Violent Crime

This criminology essay takes a look at common explanations offered in answer to the following question: why are men more likely to commit violent crimes? The student discusses testosterone, toxic masculinity, and the impact of whether an individual has positive role models in their youth. The student focuses on crime in Scotland, including gang violence.
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1,128
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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Bridget's feedback:

"Your purpose and main arguments are clear in this draft, and the reader starts to get a good idea of your research in finding the sources that contribute to the claims. Because the tone of the paper is a little wobbly, spend some time smoothing out the diction and phrasing for consistency; likely you will be aiming for an academic tone, which precludes elevated or sensationalized phrasing as used in the first sentence of the second paragraph. There are other occasional choices that impact ethos and logos (e.g., the rhetorical question on the second page asking "Do you really want to live in a world...?"). Those and other areas can end up standing in for tighter argumentation, so consider shoring up those moments with evidence that allows you to trim away the pathos-based appeals that can shift the paper out of the academic or objective mode. Other areas to target in strengthening ethos and persuasiveness will include incorporating source information via in-text citations, proofreading for both clarity and ethos (e.g., comma splices), and grouping personal commentary (first person discussion) in one place (perhaps in the conclusion, when the authorial ethos and voice have been cemented for the reader)."

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