In-text citation:
(Kibin, 2024)
Reference list entry:
Kibin. (2024). Why our school needs a sports program. http://www.kibin.com/essay-examples/why-our-school-needs-a-sports-program-0YPJ6x2P
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Bridget's feedback:
"Your essay is logically organized and makes good use of focused paragraphs to ensure the reader's attention and comprehension. Noting counterarguments and potential downsides is a good move to help the reader understand the issue more fully, as well as demonstrate your investment in exploring it at all levels.
To bring the essay into a more persuasive space, I encourage you to move beyond the reliance on pathos (in this case, diction like "tragedy" and "devastating problem") and incorporate sources that help support your claims. For example, you write, "Also, the physical state of the students could worsen due to the lack of exercise" (para. 1). Without a citation or reference to a study, this ultimately doesn't say much, creating a missed opportunity to highlight the urgency of the problem. If you can swap out qualifying language like "could worsen..." for evidence-based claims, you may also be able to tighten the argumentation for a more efficient and punchier presentation."
Learn more about this feedback
In-text citation:
(Kibin, 2024)
Reference list entry:
Kibin. (2024). Why our school needs a sports program. http://www.kibin.com/essay-examples/why-our-school-needs-a-sports-program-0YPJ6x2P
In-text citation:
("Why Our School Needs a Sports Program.")
Works Cited entry:
"Why Our School Needs a Sports Program." Kibin, 2024, www.kibin.com/essay-examples/why-our-school-needs-a-sports-program-0YPJ6x2P
Footnote:
1. "Why Our School Needs a Sports Program." Kibin, 2024. http://www.kibin.com/essay-examples/why-our-school-needs-a-sports-program-0YPJ6x2P.
Bibliography entry:
"Why Our School Needs a Sports Program." Kibin, 2024. http://www.kibin.com/essay-examples/why-our-school-needs-a-sports-program-0YPJ6x2P.
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