Why Shakespeare Still Matters

Bridget's feedback:

"You bring up a lot of good points in this well-organized essay. You've done well in backing up broader claims with more specific explanations; I think you can go a little further and drop in one or two more specific examples. In para. 2, you write, "...an understanding of the things that can be caused when it comes to unassured love from another." What "things"? (Use a more specific word to help pin down this claim.) If you can also name a character(s) or plot moment from the play e.g., "...love from another, such as..."), you can make sure the reader understands the reference to the text, as well.

Another moment to introduce a specific example could come when you mention that Shakespeare coined "new words and tropes" (para. 3); if you can briefly mention an example of one of this innovations (e.g., "new words, such as..., and tropes"), the claim becomes more specific and more convincing, building logos and ethos.

The examples above are to enhance persuasiveness with a few words. I do notice a few moments where the claim feels incomplete (or there is a clarity problem), which may entail slightly "bigger" edits. Two occur in paragraph 3: "...teaches us that success is possible" isn't clearly linked to the point about language play, nor to the next point about curricula (is this literary success? success in language? general success as a life lesson?); similarly, "deeper literary languages" isn't clear, though this may be a word choice issue impacting clarity. Another moment is in the conclusion, where you write that "the plays may foster friendships," something that should probably be explored at that point or in the body.

Your writing has good flow and sentence variety, and sound mechanics. Make sure to put the titles of plays in italics (no quotation marks), and watch out for unclear pronoun usage ("It still has relevance...," para. 1; "In Shakespeare's Twelfth Night, they show their audience...", para. 2)."

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