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Why Tryouts Can be a Problem For Student Athletes

This problem/solution essay looks at the issue of tryouts for student athletes, specifically soccer tryouts. The student talks about the impacts of stress during tryouts as well as how coaches cut students from the team to narrow down the tryout pool.
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This essay received a C by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a C by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Christina's feedback:

"While you gave the audience good information about the concerns regarding soccer tryouts, you want to be sure to offer the reader a purpose statement in your introduction. Right now, you have good information about soccer tryouts in general, but it's not clear to your reader what the problem is or the argument you're making. The overall organization of your information is a bit jumbled as well. You have clear topic sentences, but the information in your paragraphs doesn't always match up to the topic sentence you're presenting. It seems like the last sentence in your essay could actually be your thesis statement, so you might try to build and organize around that notion. A solid round of editing would be beneficial to ensure any issues of grammar, word usage, and subject-verb agreement are resolved before submitting your work."

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