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Why University Food Services Need to Prioritize Nutrition

This problem-solution essay highlights the lack of healthy meal options on the student's campus and suggests steps toward improved access to nutrition. The student argues that the cons (associated costs) are far outweighed by the pros of improved mental and physical health.
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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Bridget's feedback:

"Reading this reminded me of a wonderful dinner I had at Sitar Indian while visiting Huntsville this past summer! You bring up a lot of good points and the problem-solution structure allows you to build the ideas logically. The suggested survey is actionable, showing your reader the realistic nature of the project, and the discussion of student life skills and development helps argue for the wider stakes.

For organizational clarity and to assert your ethos, have you considered blocking out the counter-argument and response (regarding the cost) as its own paragraph? This can help highlight that moment, which shows the reader you're considering all the different angles. Sourcing numbers or examples of other schools' budgets can help ground that argument.

In terms of the writing, you show solid mechanics and good control of the overall style and tone. I notice a number of passive voice instances that slow down the discussion by creating vagueness. While passive voice can be used productively and rhetorically, it can also dilute meaning by not explaining who or what is performing an action; in terms of ethos, it risks implying that the writer doesn't have the information. So when you write "...are known to be...", the reader isn't sure who knows this and why or how they know this. In the case of your second sentence, this ends up diluting the sense of urgency at a key moment. Aim for more active and direct statements that deliver specific information ("Students know that UAH's food options are..."); as a whole, this leads to a punchier and more persuasive piece of writing."

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