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Why Wrestler Tamyra Mensah-Stock is My Hero

This hero essay describes how Olympic gold medalist Tamyra Mensah-Stock, the first Black American woman to win wrestling gold, inspires the student, with an emphasis on overcoming adversity, including racial abuse and the loss of a parent.
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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Bridget's feedback:

"You are off to a good start, with your main points and arguments on the page and a solid collection of sources. Your writing is clear, with good flow; a careful proofread should catch some errors (such as the incomplete sentence in the first paragraph "Which paid off...").

I have three main recommendations. The first is to work on organization. The body paragraphs currently zigzag around a bit. For example, the first body paragraph discusses how Mensah-Stock got into wrestling through her sister; the third paragraph describes this again. This can be confusing for the reader, so make sure to group all of the same points into a single paragraph. A reverse outline can really help with this. Second, I suggest expanding on the claim in the third sentence of your conclusion about why you have chosen to write about Mensah-Stock. You clearly list her life experiences, but it's hard for the reader to understand any deeper connection without learning a little about you as well. Finally, I notice that the sources listed in your works cited are not actually cited in the essay. Using MLA's parenthetical in-text citations, show your reader how your research backs up your claims, including when summarizing or paraphrasing."

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