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Why You Should Visit the Island of Bali in Indonesia

In this persuasive essay, a student explains why Bali, Indonesia, is a popular tourist destination and tries to convince the reader to visit the island. The student talks about accommodations, the local culture, places of interest, and popular foods.
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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Angela's feedback:

"You do a great job of explaining why Bali is an attractive tourist destination, and it is clear that you have a lot of information to share about the island. But even though you handle many writing conventions well, further editing is recommended to address outstanding errors. Examples of sentences with parallel structure problems include the second sentence in the work and the one that begins “Envision yourself lazing.” These statements should be revised to improve the flow of your writing. Consistent use or omittance of the serial comma would make the work easier to read, and you use a semicolon where a colon is needed. Compound modifiers that precede a noun should be hyphenated (e.g., “down-to-earth lifestyle”). Terms such as “pisang goreng” and “satay” should not be capitalized in the middle of a sentence just like you wouldn’t capitalize something like “fries.” Throughout most of the work, it seems like you’re treating “you” as a singular pronoun, so the phrase “your mouths agape” comes as a surprise. Consistency in this regard would further strengthen your writing."

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