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Why Young People Today Can Make Decisions for Themselves

This is a TOEFL essay that discusses why the student believes young people today are better able to make decisions about their own lives versus having their parents make such decisions. The student focuses on education and the right to express personal options as the underlying reasons, using detailed examples to support both aspects.
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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Crystal's feedback:

"Awesome job focusing in on two reasons you think that young people today are better able to make decisions about their own lives, versus their parents doing it for them. Especially, you craft a solid intro with a clear thesis statement focused on the two reasons and make your opinion clear. You also start your body paragraphs with clear topic sentences about the two reasons, and provide excellent examples to support your opinion and logic. Your use of good transition words ("firstly," "secondly," "for example") also make the flow smooth, and your conclusion brings both reasons together to emphasize that you've showed why young people today are better able to make decisions for themselves. However, there are some repeated issues with sentence structures (comma use in a few areas and run-on sentences, e.g., last sentence in your intro) and other grammar errors ("the" where "a" would be better in "knowledge from books is the good…"), and some areas have missing words (e.g., first sentence of intro, last sentence of second paragraph). Doing a careful out-loud read-through or having someone point out the awkward phrasing would help you fix up those areas; your overall English and diction is very good, though. In addition, the end of the second body paragraph would be stronger if you ended by coming back to the focus on the right to express opinions. Finally, consider indenting paragraphs since there's no spaces between paragraphs."

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