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Why Zoos Should Be Closed Immediately

This argumentative essay takes an ethical position against zoos. The student writes that animals become emotionally disturbed in captivity, especially under visitor scrutiny, and that zoos aren't held accountable for animal welfare.
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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

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This essay received a B by one of Kibin's paper graders. Click here to see what was done well and what needs improvement.

More essays like this:

Not sure what I'd do without @Kibin
- Alfredo Alvarez, student @ Miami University
Exactly what I needed.
- Jenna Kraig, student @ UCLA
Wow. Most helpful essay resource ever!
- Chris Stochs, student @ UC Berkeley

View other essays like this one:

Bridget's feedback:

"You've brought together three strong main ideas in a well-organized essay. I recommend a separate concluding paragraph, rather than attaching it to the third body paragraph; this helps signpost the progress of the discussion for the reader and gives the final words a little more room to breathe, allowing your reader to get a firm grasp of the main takeaways and any calls to action (e.g., your suggestion to stop visiting zoos).

Within the paragraphs, the discussion moves logically. I encourage you to streamline within the paragraphs, which are rather long and dense, by revising phrasing, syntax, and diction. I notice the sentences get baggier toward the end of each paragraph: aim for an efficient final sentence; I also notice that most of those are pathos-oriented, which makes sense, but you don't want to overstay your welcome when appealing to your reader's emotions: a more direct and blunt statement can often be more striking and impactful."

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